Escape to Paradise: Best Western Milton Inn Awaits!
Paradise Found (Maybe? A Rambling Review of Best Western Milton Inn)
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because I'm about to take you on the rollercoaster that was my recent stay at the Best Western Milton Inn. Forget polished, perfectly curated reviews! This is the REAL DEAL. Think less travel blog, more "friend recounting a slightly chaotic vacation over a lukewarm coffee."
First Impressions (Accessibility, or Lack Thereof): The Elevator Saga
So, I'd pre-booked this place because the website ticked the "Accessibility" box. And… well, they had an elevator. Kind of. It was like the elevator from a low-budget sci-fi flick. Slowly, creakily, begrudgingly, it transported you from floor to floor. Getting my (admittedly overpacked) suitcase up felt like a personal victory. If you're in a wheelchair? Patience is a virtue, my friend. I'd recommend calling ahead and insisting on a room near the elevator. Otherwise? Prepare for a workout you didn't sign up for. (Impression: Slightly stressful but doable. Could be much better.)
Rooms - Like a Cozy (But Slightly Dated) Embrace
Alright, the room itself? Decent. My expectations weren't sky-high, and they were mostly met. The "In-room safe box" was a welcome touch (a little extra security never hurt, right?). The "complimentary tea" was a questionable bag of something faintly resembling tea, but hey, it was there. Loved the "blackout curtains"! They were absolutely essential after a night of… well, let's just say I wasn't sleeping much. There was this weird issue with the "Air conditioning" – it was either ice age or roasting, not much in between. And the carpet? Yeah, it definitely had seen some things, which is why the "Daily housekeeping" service was such a godsend!!
The Bathroom – A Tale of Two Showers (and a Slightly Eerie Mirror)
The "Separate shower/bathtub" situation was a plus. Water pressure? Strong enough to peel paint, which was either invigorating or terrifying, depending on my mood at the time. The "mirror"? It was one of those giant, floor-to-ceiling monstrosities that somehow made me feel both taller AND shorter simultaneously. Seriously, I spent a good five minutes just staring at myself trying to figure it out. I had to admit I loved the "slippers"! Little things make a difference.
Internet – Bless the Wi-Fi Gods!
Thank you, sweet baby Jesus, for the "Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!" Seriously, in this day and age, it’s a non-negotiable. Worked like a charm, allowing me to binge-watch questionable reality TV and avoid all human contact. (Okay, maybe not all contact, but you understand.) There was also "Internet access – LAN". But, who uses LAN anymore? Ancient history, I tell ya.
Dining & Drinking – Food Adventures (and a Few Close Calls)
The "Restaurant" situation? A mixed bag. The “Asian breakfast” looked interesting, but I stuck with the Western option (safer). The "buffet" was… well, it was a buffet. Lots of options, some better than others. I may or may not have accidentally consumed a suspicious-looking pastry that I suspect had been sitting out since the Jurassic period. Avoid the "Salad in restaurant" until you can discern if the "salad" is what you are looking for.
The Pool & Spa (A Glimmer Of Hope?)
The "Swimming pool [outdoor]" looked inviting, especially with the "Pool with view". The "Sauna" was hot, the "Spa" was relaxing. The "Foot bath" was nice after walking around. The "Steamroom" however, was off-limits due to repairs. It was what I was really looking forward to. (Sigh)
Things to Do/Ways to Relax – Trying to Find My Zen (and Failing Spectacularly)
I gave the "Fitness center" a shot. It was… compact. Okay, tiny. Okay, like a closet with some treadmills. But hey, they had a treadmill! Besides that, there wasn't anything more that I found interesting.
Cleanliness and Safety – COVID Concerns? (Mostly Satisfied)
They were trying. I saw evidence of "Daily disinfection in common areas" and "Room sanitization between stays." They had "Hand sanitizer" everywhere. I appreciated the effort, even if I caught a glimpse of a questionable surface in the hallway.
Services and Conveniences – The Good, the Bad, and the Elevator Again!
Loved the "24-hour" front desk! Hated the "Elevator" again (sorry, I'm still traumatized). "Cash withdrawal" via ATM was a plus (because who carries cash anymore?).
For the Kids (If You Have 'Em!)
Looked like a "Family/child friendly" sort of place. Not my area of expertise, but I saw some "Kids facilities" and a "Babysitting service" advertised. Not sure how reliable the babysitting was, but I imagine it's better than leaving the kids with the elevator…
Getting Around
"Airport transfer" available. Car park [free of charge] was great!
Okay, The Final Verdict: Good Enough?
Look, the Best Western Milton Inn isn’t the Four Seasons. It's not paradise. But it's not a total dumpster fire either. It's a solid, slightly quirky, maybe-a-little-worn-around-the-edges hotel that mostly delivers on its promises.
Would I go back? Well… if I had to. If I knew the elevator was fixed, and someone promised me a pastry that wasn't ancient, maybe. Maybe. (Final rating: 3.5 out of 5. Could be a solid 4 if they fixed the elevator!)
McComb's BEST-KEPT Secret: Quality Inn Review (You WON'T Believe This!)Okay, buckle up, Buttercup, because we're about to dissect my (potentially disastrous) trip to the Best Western Milton Inn in Milton, Florida. This isn't going to be your slick, perfectly curated itinerary. This is the raw, unfiltered, slightly panicked journey of a human trying to take a vacation. Prepare for chaos.
Trip Title: Milton Misadventures & Mosquito Mayhem (and Maybe Some Butter Pecan Ice Cream)
Day 1: Arrival & the Great Luggage Debacle (Or, Why I Should Have Checked That Bag)
- Morning (7:00 AM - 10:00 AM): Okay, flight time! Woke up at the crack of dawn (which I'm pretty sure is still considered night when you're talking about me). The airport was its usual chaotic self – a symphony of beeping luggage carts and stressed-out parents. I'm pretty sure I saw a woman attempting to wear a full-sized inflatable pool flamingo as a hat. I resisted the urge to take a photo; I'm getting better. I'm mostly there. Finally, arrived at the airport.
- 10:00 AM (ish): Plane lands. Smooth enough, considering my stomach was doing the nervous flutter. Now, the real fun begins: baggage claim. Or, as I dramatically call it, "The Waiting Room of Doom." I'm pretty sure my backpack is the only one that DIDN'T make it onto the flight. Sigh. I go to the carousel, and my backpack magically appears, thank God!
- 11:00 AM - 12:00 PM: Car rental. I'm terrible at this. Every. Single. Time. I swear, they purposefully make it confusing. "Do you want the… the thingy that covers the undercarriage?" (Me: "Uh… I'm thinking of getting the cheapest thing?") Eventually, after signing approximately seventeen forms, I got a… car. A perfectly functional, beige-colored car. I'm not sure what I was expecting, maybe a vintage convertible? Anyway, it's a car. I can drive.
- 12:00 - 1:00 PM: Drive to Milton. Google Maps (my lord, the savior) suggests an hour and a half. I, of course, get lost briefly, because I'm me. The landscape is… well, it's Florida. Lots of pines, some flat land, and the lingering promise of humidity.
- 1:00 PM - 2:00 PM: Check-in at Best Western Milton Inn. Honestly, the lobby is pretty standard. Comfortable, but I'm guessing the interior designer was aiming for "functional" rather than "Instagrammable." The front desk staff were lovely, though - bless their hearts. My room, which I'd nervously requested to be "away from the noisy things, please," is a pleasant enough, albeit slightly dated, space. The air conditioning is cranking, which is a good sign. I will need it.
Impression, First Thoughts:
- Okay, so far, so good. But this could all go downhill fast.
- I’m already itchy. I probably have at least one mosquito bite.
- I’m oddly hopeful for breakfast tomorrow morning.
Day 1, Afternoon: The Hunt for Lunch (And the Unexpected Charm of a Dollar General)
- 2:00 PM - 3:00 PM: Lunch. I'm starving. Absolutely starving. I wander out, hopeful, and realize I'm in… Milton, Florida. Population: Not a bustling metropolis. I take a chance on a local diner based on a Google review that claims the biscuits are "divine."
- 3:00 PM - 4:00 PM: The diner. It's… a diner. It's also got a strong air of "good ol' boys" in it. I order the biscuits (obviously) and some… something. The biscuits were, in fact, divine. The rest of the meal was… adequate. I ate all of it. I paid. I tipped. I may never return.
- 4:00 PM - 5:00 PM: I need supplies! I cannot stress this enough. I need snacks. I need water. I need… bug spray. It is a non-negotiable. Enter: The Dollar General. I am not a "Dollar General" type of person, really. But it was air-conditioned, it was convenient, and it had all the essentials. (Also: I bought a sparkly pen. Don't judge.)
- 5:00 PM - 6:00 PM: Back at the hotel. I collapse onto the bed. The bed isn't the best, but it's better than the one at my house.
- 6:00 PM - 7:00 PM: Unpack the suitcase. I realized I'd packed like, 3 books. The luggage thing really shook me. I really can't believe I didn't check my bag.
- 7:00 PM - 8:00 PM: I ate a microwave dinner. I’m pretty sure I’m going to gain weight this weekend.
Impression, Second Thoughts:
- Milton is… quaint.
- The mosquitoes are watching me. I can feel it.
- I might actually need that sparkly pen. To write my memoirs.
Day 2: Pensacola Beach & the Quest for Coastal Bliss (Which May or May Not Include Sand)
- 9:00 AM: Breakfast! The complimentary breakfast at the hotel is… well, it exists. I opt for the waffle maker, which is a gamble, but the sausage is a decent, albeit slightly greasy, offering. I eat a lot of it.
- 10:00 AM - 11:00 AM: Drive to Pensacola Beach. Everyone told me to go. The drive is pleasant, the road is smooth, and my car is still working.
- 11:00 AM - 1:00 PM: Pensacola Beach! The water is actually BLUE. The sand is… sand. The sun is… hot. I found a spot. I applied sunscreen. I prepared for battle.
- 1:00 PM - 2:00 PM: Lunch at a beachside shack. I ordered fried seafood. It was… filling. There were seagulls. One almost stole my fries. I was impressed by its bravery.
- 2:00 PM - 4:00 PM: Beach time! I attempted to read, but the wind kept blowing sand in my face. I attempted to swim, but the waves kept trying to drag me out to sea. I attempted to relax, but the sun was intense. I think I got a little sunburn. I am not good at relaxing at the beach.
- 4:00 PM - 5:00 PM: Drive back to Milton. I am exhausted. I am also covered in sand. Everywhere.
- 5:00 PM - 7:00 PM: Hotel Time. I am going to take a shower. I am the color of a lobster now.
- 7:00 PM - 8:00 PM: This is where I break down. I have nothing to do for dinner. I have no dinner plans.
- 8:00 PM - Onward: Dinner and Movie. The hotel has a nice pool, a very small pool with very few people. I'll take it.
Impression, Third Thoughts:
- I miss my bed.
- I'm certain I have sand in places where sand should NOT be.
- I feel like I did something.
Day 3: A Last Stand (And Possibly Some Butter Pecan Ice Cream)
- 9:00 AM: Another hotel breakfast. Surprisingly, I'm getting into the routine. I think I'm now dependent on the waffle maker.
- 10:00 AM - 12:00 PM: Explore Milton! I'm going to pretend to be a local. I'm going to embrace the small-town charm! (I'm mostly making this up.)
- 12:00 PM - 1:00 PM: Lunch. Last one! Let's hope I don't regret this!
- 1:00 PM - 2:00 PM: I'm going to get that Butter Pecan Ice Cream. If I don't get that ice cream, the trip will be a waste.
- 2:00 PM - 3:00 PM: Pack for my departure.
- 3:00 PM - 4:00 PM: Last swim in the hotel pool.
- 4:00 PM - 5:00 PM: Check out. Goodbye Best Western Milton Inn. May we never meet again.
Final Thoughts:
- I survived!
- I got a sunburn.
- I didn't hate myself.
- I will probably visit again.
This is, by no means, the perfect itinerary. It's a little all over the place, it makes no real sense, and it has glaring omissions (like "What did you do on the beach?" - apparently,
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Escape to Paradise: Best Western Milton Inn Awaits! (Or Does It?) - FAQs, My Way
Okay, okay… "Escape to Paradise"? That's a *bold* claim. Is the Best Western Milton Inn *really* paradise? (Be honest, I can take it.)
Alright, alright. Let's not get carried away. Paradise? Nah. More like... respite-adjacent. Picture this: me, after a particularly brutal Tuesday. Deadlines, a malfunctioning coffee machine, and the incessant chirping of my neighbor's… I don't even know what bird *that* is. (Seriously, it sounds like a robot chicken). I needed a break. Milton Inn? Well, it promised a bed, a pool (allegedly), and maybe, just maybe, a few hours of blessed silence. So paradise? No. Slightly less hellish than my apartment that day? Yep. Definitely. But hey, I'm a simple creature. A clean-ish room and a decent cup of instant coffee are practically nirvana after a week like the one I just had.
The pool! The website promised a pool. Was the pool… pool-worthy?
The pool. Ah, the pool. Now, this is where things get… interesting. The website showed a shimmering, turquoise oasis. In reality? Well, let's just say the water had seen better days. It wasn't, like, toxic waste, but it wasn't exactly crystal clear, either. I saw a few… floaties. (I’m not talking about the inflatable kind, mind you) I'm not naming names to keep it real. Also, the pool area was… let's call it "rustic." The loungers were… well, they existed. And, after staring at the pool for a good five minutes, debating whether to risk it, I got the strangest sense of Deja Vu. Like, I'd seen this exact scene, this exact shade of questionable turquoise, in an episode of "Forensic Files." Needless to say… I ordered room service (which, blessedly, arrived on time, unlike that coffee machine.) Look, I went for a walk and met a friendly dog, ok?
What about the rooms? Were they, you know, *clean*? Because I have standards.
Rooms. Okay, the rooms. Yes. Mostly clean. Honestly, my expectations were lower than a limbo champion. It wasn't a sterile operating room, which is a win in my book, but things were… passable. The bed was… a bed. Comfortable enough to collapse on after a grueling day of, well, *not* falling into the pool. The bathroom? Perfectly functional. The water pressure was… surprisingly decent. And there were… towels! Clean ones! I've stayed in places where towels were considered a suggestion. So, yeah, the room passed the "not-a-total-disaster" test. I’ll give it that. There was a weird smell, though. Like a combination of industrial cleaner and… old carpet. But hey, I'm a trooper. I sprayed some air freshener (which, admittedly, I'd brought myself – trust issues, much?) and carried on.
The free breakfast! Tell me about the free breakfast. Is it… breakfast?
Oh, the breakfast. Free breakfast. Ah, yes… The great equalizer. Okay, so, I'm not gonna lie, it wasn't a Michelin-star brunch spread. Think… lukewarm scrambled eggs (they were grey), questionable sausage (seriously, what *was* that?), and a waffle maker that looked like it had been through a war (maybe?). There were also those pre-packaged Danish pastries that taste vaguely of sadness. BUT! They had coffee! (Not as good as *my* coffee, naturally, but caffeine is caffeine, folks.) And… wait for it… cereal. The sugary, childhood-reminiscent kind. And I ate it. All of it. Because, even slightly questionable free food is still free food, and I was starving. So, breakfast? Officially. Good breakfast? Debatable. Memorable? Absolutely. (Mainly for the gray eggs.)
What was the *best* part of your stay? And don't tell me it was the free cereal.
Okay, fine. It wasn't *only* the cereal. Although, I do have fond memories of that slightly soggy, sugary goodness. The best part… hmmm. You know what? It was the *absence* of things. The silence. The lack of emails. The sheer, unadulterated… nothingness. I turned off my phone (gasp!), sat on the bed, and just… *breathed*. I actually read a book! (A real, paper book, can you imagine?) It was glorious. Almost. I mean, the constant humming of the AC did put a damper on things, but after a while, it became white noise. So, yeah, the best part wasn't the hotel itself. It was the permission it gave me to *switch off*. That, my friends, is worth more than any shimmering, pristine pool.
Was there anything really, really *bad*? (Dish the dirt!)
Okay, okay. The dirt. Fine. I’ll dish. There *was* one truly awful thing. I'm talking, "almost-made-me-check-out-early" awful. The noise. The walls were paper-thin. And I mean *thin*. I could hear… everything. The guy next door snoring. The couple two doors down having… a *very* animated conversation at 3 AM (I could practically hear their arguments about the wifi). And the worst? The incessant slamming of doors! Throughout the night. It sounded like a particularly aggressive woodpecker was trying to escape a locked closet. Seriously, people! Close the door gently! Is that too much to ask? I mean, between the woodpecker, the snoring, and whatever the heck was going on next door, I barely slept. The lack of sleep was *brutal*. I considered going to the front desk and asking for earplugs, but I was afraid the front desk person would just make me wear a paper bag over my head until I left. Anyway. Lesson learned: bring earplugs. And maybe a noise-canceling machine. and possibly a bodyguard.
Would you go back? Be honest!
Would I go back? That's the million-dollar question, isn't it? Look, let's be real. It wasn't a luxury experience. It wasn’t *great*. If I'm being honest, it was *far* from paradise. But… it wasn't a total nightmare either. And sometimes, all you need is a place to crash, to escape, to just… *be*. The Milton Inn did that, in its own…quirky, slightly-rundown, and occasionally noisy way. So... maybe. Potentially. If I was desperate, and if I had a serious supply of earplugs. And a very strong sense of humor.Marshfield's BEST Hotel? AmericInn Review (You WON'T Believe This!)
