Parkersburg's BEST Kept Secret: Quality Inn North-Vienna Review!
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because we're diving headfirst into the VERY opinionated, slightly-scattered, and hopefully helpful review of Parkersburg's "Best Kept Secret": Quality Inn North-Vienna. Honestly, "best kept secret" is always a bit of a red flag, right? It usually means "we're kinda… average." But hey, let's see if this place can surprise us. And let me tell you, I'm not going to sugarcoat anything. I'm here to tell you the real deal.
First Impressions… (and a Rant About Accessibility)
Okay, so, the website blurb promises a lot. "Exceptional Comfort," they say. "Unforgettable Stay." Let's just… temper those expectations a bit. Finding the actual entrance was, well, let's just say it involved circling the building a couple of times. Especially if you need decent parking, or, heaven forbid, accessible parking. Getting to the front door felt like a minor Olympic event.
Accessibility: This is where things get tricky. They claim accessibility, and the listing mentions Facilities for disabled guests. But honestly, this ain't the Four Seasons. I'd strongly advise calling ahead and grilling them on specific needs. Is the ramp actually navigable? Are the accessible rooms truly accessible? Because, speaking from personal experience, "accessible" can mean anything from "slightly less inconvenient" to "a cruel joke." Remember those CCTV in common areas features? The front desk looks nice but it doesn't help with things like Elevator, which is necessary for a good accessible experience.
Rooms & Reality Checks
Alright, let's get into the nitty-gritty of the rooms.
- Available in all rooms: A/C, Alarm clock, Bathrobes (maybe), bathroom, bathtub (in some?), black out curtains, mini bar, coffee/tea maker, complimentary tea (we'll see), desk, daily housekeeping, extra long bed (maybe!), free bottled water (hopefully!), hair dryer, in-room safe box, Internet access-wireless, iron, laptop workspace, reading light, refrigerator, and Wi-Fi [free].
- Internet Access - Okay, the free Wi-Fi is a MUST. But the strength? Pray. Sometimes it was like dial-up from the 90s. Bring a backup hotspot for your sanity. Internet - LAN is listed, but good luck finding the port.
- Non-Smoking Rooms: Thank GOD.
- Additional Toilet: Hmmm. Not in my room, pal.
- Soundproofing: This is going to depend on your neighbors. I wouldn't bank on it. I once heard someone snoring through the wall and it was an experience.
The "Amenities" - Where Things Get Interesting… (and Sometimes Disappointing)
Now, this is where the "secret" might fall apart. Let's unpack some of these:
- Breakfast: Supposedly a Buffet (Breakfast [buffet]), and it's probably your standard "continental" fare. And yes, Breakfast takeaway service is available, which is helpful.
- Fitness Center: Listed. That means there's, like, a treadmill. Maybe a rusty elliptical. Don't expect a gym!
- Swimming Pool [outdoor]: Yes! Always a plus. Pool with view… I'm guessing "view" is a generous term for "looking out towards the parking and maybe some trees."
- Laundry Service: Thank goodness and I'm grateful for hot water linen and laundry washing
- Spa/sauna - I think I've got a more realistic perspective, I'm not excited.
- Dining: A la carte in restaurant, Buffet in restaurant, Coffee/tea in restaurant, Coffee shop, Desserts in restaurant, Happy hour, Poolside bar, Restaurants, Room service [24-hour], Salad in restaurant, Snack bar, Soup in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, Western breakfast, Western cuisine in restaurant, Asian cuisine in restaurant,Asian breakfast - This feels like a dream or a big lie.
Cleanliness & Safety - The COVID Gauntlet (Mostly Good)
- Cleanliness and safety: This is always top-of-mind these days, right?
- Anti-viral cleaning products: Yeah, they say these are in use.
- Breakfast takeaway service: At least there something
- Cashless payment service: Good to know.
- Daily disinfection in common areas: Sounds promising!
- Hand sanitizer, First aid kit: Essential.
- Individually-wrapped food options: A necessity.
- Rooms sanitized between stays: They claim it.
Services & Conveniences (Hit or Miss)
- Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, On-site event hosting, Seminars, Wi-Fi for special events: Okay, good for business types.
- Air conditioning in public area: Phew.
- Convenience store: Always handy for that late-night snack craving.
- Daily housekeeping: Praise be!
- Doorman, front desk [24-hour]: Someone to help with your bags is a plus.
- Food delivery: Score!
- Luggage storage: Yep.
- Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site]: Free parking? In this economy?! I'm in.
- Taxi service: You can find it.
Things to Do/ Ways to Relax (Be Realistic)
- Fitness center: Yep.
- Swimming pool: Yes, outdoor only.
- Car park [free of charge]: Yeah, but I'm not sure what's next door to make it fun.
The Verdict (Honestly)
Okay, so, is the Quality Inn North-Vienna the "best kept secret"? Probably not. It's more likely a solid, decent place to stay in the area that could be great.
But here's the thing: If you're looking for clean, comfortable, and a reasonably priced place to crash while exploring the nearby attractions or businesses, sure, give it a go. Just manage your expectations. This isn't a luxury resort. It's a Quality Inn.
The "Compelling Offer" (aka How to Actually Get People to Book)
Here's the deal:
Escape the Ordinary in Parkersburg! Book your stay at the Quality Inn North-Vienna, and discover a surprisingly comfortable haven. While not perfect, our hotel offers a value that's tough to beat in town.
Why Book Now?
- Free Wi-Fi: Stay connected (mostly!) and share your adventures.
- Free Parking: Save your cash for fun!
- A comfy bed: Rest well, ready for the next day of adventures.
- Outdoor Pool: a quick dip after a long day.
- A decent breakfast: Fuel up before you explore.
- Clean, safe rooms: because we care.
- Good value
Book your stay at the Quality Inn North-Vienna today!
Remember: I may be a bit of a grumpy, but I'm telling you the truth. It's not a bad place by any means, just average, and if you go, I'm sure you will find something to love. Don't expect the moon, and you might be pleasantly surprised.
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Alright, buckle up buttercup, because this isn't your grandma's meticulously planned travel itinerary. This is… me trying to survive a few days in Parkersburg, West Virginia, radiating from the fluorescent-lit, beige-carpetted heart of the Quality Inn Parkersburg North-Vienna. Let's see what the hell happens, shall we?
Day 1: Arrival, Awkward Encounters, and the Ghosts of Discounted Buffets
1:00 PM - Arrival at the Quality Inn: Okay, so, the exterior doesn't exactly scream "luxurious get-away." More like, "Where discounted rates go to retire." BUT, it's clean (ish) and the lady at the front desk, bless her heart, seems genuinely happy to see me. (Or maybe she's just really good at her job. I suspect the latter.) The carpet…well, let's just say it's seen things.
2:00 PM - The Room Debacle: My expectations were low. They were still met with a resounding thud. The air conditioning sounds like a dying walrus. The TV remote is held together with duct tape (a foreshadowing of the entire trip, perhaps?). And the view? Oh, the view. A glorious panorama of the parking lot and, if I squint, a glimpse of the highway. Sigh. Time to embrace the charm, I guess?
3:00 PM - First Venture into Parkersburg: Okay, gotta actually do something. I've heard there is a historic district so I'm going to drive there. I am driving on the correct side of the road (mostly) and so far the trip is pretty alright.
4:00 PM - Historic District, a Brief Encounter, and the Search for Food: I stumble upon the historic district, as I think I'm supposed to. It is… well, it is. Charming in a "time forgot" kind of way, with plenty of old brick buildings and a general air of relaxed decay. Now, I'm starving. All I want is pizza but I don't know where to go!
5:00 PM - Pizza, glorious pizza: I found a place! The pizza is… edible. Don't get me wrong, is it the best pizza I've ever had? No. But will it fulfill the mission? Absolutely!
7:00 PM- Back at the hotel, a moment of reflection: Okay, so, Day 1 wasn't exactly a thrill ride. But for now, I'm ready for the journey.
Day 2: The Blennerhassett Island Adventure and the Unspoken Rules of the Gas Station
8:00 AM - The Breakfast that Wasn't: The Quality Inn "complimentary breakfast" is… an experience. The stale bagels and weak coffee are a good reminder of home. I wonder what the other patrons are doing here but I'm not that curious.
9:00 AM - Blennerhassett Island: Ah, yes, the jewel of Parkersburg, or so the brochures claim. I take my chance on the island. The boat ride across the Ohio River is actually really pretty. The island itself is shrouded in a weird, unsettling calm. Apparently, it was the scene of some scandalous shenanigans back in the day. The mansion is grand but I swear I feel eyes on me from the distance.
12:00 PM - Gas Station Enlightenment: Driving back from an attempt to find lunch, I stop at a gas station. It's the kind of place where the fluorescent lights buzz with a low, insistent hum, and the smell of stale coffee and yesterday's lottery tickets hangs heavy in the air. I learn here the unwritten rules of gas station etiquette: 1. Don't make eye contact with anyone buying scratch-offs. 2. If you see a guy in overalls, it's probably best to retreat slowly. 3. And most importantly, always grab an extra bag of chips, just in case. Because you never know.
1:00 PM - Lunch, or the Absence Thereof: The restaurant I intended to visit is closed. I'm too afraid to try again. So my lunch consists of a Snickers bar and a bottle of water. Ah, the gourmet life.
2:00 PM - The "Relaxing" Afternoon Back in the room to relax. I'm doing a whole lot of nothing, which actually is a whole lot of something in a way.
6:00 PM - Dinner and the Ghost of the Buffet: The ghost of a buffet haunts the memories and reminds me where I don't want to go.
8:00 PM - The TV, a Reflection and the Inevitable Meltdown: The TV is on, of course. And I can't seem to find anything worthwhile. I find myself staring off into space.
Day 3: Departures, Reflections, and the Unexpected Charm of Rust
9:00 AM - The Last Breakfast: The last breakfast? I feel like I know what to expect, but I'm no less depressed. Same stale bagels. Same weak coffee. I am going to take the memories with me.
10:00 AM - Last look at the hotel: A last look at my refuge. The room looks like it did when I checked in, but now, the stains on the carpet seem to tell a story. A story of a hotel, of a life, of a time.
11:00 AM - The Highway and the Unexpected Beauty of Rust: As I take the highway out of Parkersburg, I find an old, rusty building on the side of the road. And I find it beautiful. It is a metaphor.
12:00 PM - Leaving: I’m out of there!
So, about that Quality Inn… It wasn't the Ritz, but it was mine for a few days. And Parkersburg? Well, it's got its charms. It's got its quirks and its imperfections. It's got a certain… something about it that you can't quite put your finger on. Would I go back? Probably not. But, I'll always have those memories.
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Parkersburg's BEST Kept Secret (Maybe?) - Quality Inn North-Vienna: FAQ (Get Ready, It's Gonna Be a Ride)
**Q: Is this place REALLY a "best kept secret"? Like, seriously?** A: LOL. "Best kept secret" is a *strong* phrase. Let's be honest, it's probably a secret to *some* people, mostly because they're either not looking in Vienna, or because they're actively avoiding Vienna. It’s not The Ritz, alright? But for the price, and depending on your expectations, it *can* be a solid choice. Think "reliable grandpa," not "Hollywood heartthrob." If you're expecting luxury... keep moving.
**Q: What's the *vibe* of the place? Is it haunted? (Asking the real questions.)** A: Vibe? Okay. Imagine a place that's seen some things. Think comfy, but also slightly... weathered. I mean, the place *screams* "family vacation from the 80s" in the best way possible, meaning a slight smell of old chlorine from the indoor pool that hasn’t been renovated since, like, forever, and a certain… *patina* of used-ness. Haunted? Maybe. I swear I heard a door creak open *very* slowly in the middle of the night during my last stay. But I blamed it on the wind, or maybe the questionable buffet dinner I had downstairs. You know... the usual.
**Q: Let's talk about the rooms. Cleanliness? Comfort? Anything I should be *terrified* of?** A: Alright, the rooms are… *functional*. Let's put it that way. Cleanliness? Generally, yes. Think "thoroughly cleaned, but not disinfected to the point of sterility." They try. The beds are… well, they're beds. Expect the kind of mattress that gives you vaguely uncomfortable dreams about your childhood. Comfort? Fine for a night or two. Terrified? Look, check under the bed. Always. And maybe, just maybe, pack some Lysol wipes. It’s a good habit, I’ve learned over the years. You can never be too careful.
**Q: What about the breakfast? Is it the usual sad continental fare?** A: Oh boy. The breakfast. Okay, so picture this: a waffle maker that has a personality of its own (it sometimes smiles... sometimes doesn't), a selection of what I *think* were pastries (they looked like they’d seen a war or two), and the usual suspects: sugary cereal, instant oatmeal, and some questionable fruit. The coffee? Strong enough to wake the dead. Or at least, to keep you awake for the next… well, for a while. My tip? Stick to the coffee and the waffles. And maybe grab a banana from the lobby. You never know.
**Q: I've heard mixed reviews about the staff. What's the deal?** A: The staff… are a mixed bag. Sometimes you get someone who’s been there since the Kennedy administration, a delightful woman who seems to know every guest by name. Other times? You get someone who looks like they'd rather be anywhere else. But honestly? They're usually doing their best. Be nice. Be patient. And remember, a little kindness goes a long way, especially when you're staring at a perpetually broken ice machine.
**Q: Let's talk about the pool. Is it worth it? Is it the highlight of the whole place?** A: Ah, the pool. The beating heart of the Viennese Quality Inn experience. The stories I could tell you… the pool is indoor, which is a plus. It's usually warm, but sometimes… *slightly* closed due to maintenance. Don’t get your hopes up. The water is the slightly cloudy, that kind of cloudy where you're not 100% sure what you’re floating in. But the bubbles… oh, the bubbles. They add a certain… *je ne sais quoi* to the whole experience. It’s a fun place to people-watch, let’s face it. And if the kids are still around from the 80s, it’s certainly the highlight. But if you're expecting a sparkling, spa-like experience? Prepare for disappointment.
**Q: Okay, let's get real: What's the *worst* thing about this place?** A: Okay, okay. The *worst* thing? Apart from the occasional creaky door and the lingering smell of chlorine and that slightly-off breakfast? Hmm… I’d say… the general feeling of…timelessness. Everything just *is*. The décor hasn’t changed in decades. The TV has a limited selection of channels (and the remote *definitely* needs new batteries). There’s no fancy gym. There’s really nothing in which the management has spent money on recently. If you’re looking for a cutting-edge experience, this ain’t it. That’s honestly a big part of the charm, in its own weird way.
**Q: And the *best* thing?** A: The *best* thing? Honestly? The location. It’s close to a lot of stuff. Vienna is a fairly chill place. (I am a little bias, I grew up in this area and have never left). The price. And sometimes, just sometimes, it feels like you've stepped back in time. A simpler time where you can truly escape without having to pay a fortune.
**Q: Would you stay there again?** A: Yeah, probably. Look, it's not perfect. It's certainly not instagrammable, and the rooms aren't going to win any design awards. But it's generally clean, it's relatively comfortable, and it’s got a certain… *character*. It's a place where you can relax and unwind, without feeling like you have to dress up and be perfect to do it. It’s a place for the weary traveler, the road-tripper, someone who wants a place to crash and be left alone... and in that, it’s pretty damn good. Just... bring your own snacks. And maybe some earplugs...for the creaking doors.
